Someone Asked “What Shouldn’t Men Be Judged For Doing?”, And 54 People Delivered
In one of her pieces for The Guardian, writer Gaby Hinsliff argues that it's time for people to stop rolling their eyes whenever they hear someone say "modern male struggle".
To get a better understanding of what it entails, let's take a look at a Reddit thread that asked the platform's men what they want to stop being judged for.
From their physical features to how they behave in public, continue scrolling to check out some of their top-voted replies.
#1complimenting another man.
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#2Being short. Literally no one has control over their height. Judge people for the things they *can* control.
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#3Taking their full paternity leave as permitted by their employer.
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#4Showing emotion, or not showing emotion. We should get to choose how we feel.
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#5Seeking support with mental health. I grew up in an environment where this wasn’t ok, but in adulthood I very much needed help working through things and didn’t have the tools or understanding to do it alone.
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#6Drinking cocktails instead of beer. Or “girly drinks”. It’s my money dammit and I’m gonna drink something that tastes good
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#8Having hobbies people define as effeminate.
Such as baking, gardening, textiles, stuff like that.
Elaborating, I love gardening myself, I have a growing garden myself and it has helped immensely with anger issues I used to have, and I’ve had guests over who always assume it’s a product of my wife’s work, which is why I mentioned it.
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#9Getting physically taken care of, for instance massage, spa that kind of thing. Why should women be the only ones to get that stuff? Massages are the best thing.... especially if you do lots of heavy lifting, sports, you know "man" stuff
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#10Taking long showers. I wish that I was able to take a long shower without everybody in the household thinking I'm having a wank.
I just want to enjoy hot water, it's relaxing.
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#11Being close to their parents. Just because a man is close to his parents/ mother doesn’t mean he’s a “mamas boy.”
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#12Not being comfortable around kids. It doesn't mean they can't handle kids or don't like kids. Most likely, it just means they're new to it.
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#13Interacting with kids. Especially younger kids, the majority of men arnt pedophiles.
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#14Not being in the mood for sex. Women (or men) can take it so personally. Sometimes we're too exhausted.
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#15Bringing up something that bothers them about their partner, from the major to minor issues.
Honestly, having to deal with the 2 hour long fallout about how said issues make YOUR PARTNER FEEL after they hear it, makes it not worth it. So that s**t gets bottled up.
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#16For not having a house, not having a car, or not being financially stable. I'm doing what I can, ok?
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#17Not making the first move
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I'm not a rapist because I'm out at night. I'm not a predator because I have a child in my company. I'm not dangerous because you're defenseless. I'm not a creep because you can't tell why I'm there. I'm not an incel because you don't have empathy for men.
My wife is pregnant and has a full time job, since she’s been pregnant I’ve taken on doing 100% of the cooking, cleaning, errands, groceries, rubbing her feet, taking care of her (When she gets home from work, I put on her favorite show and have her relax the rest of the day, I refuse to have her do any work) etc. This is additional to me already working my job where I pay all our bills, do yard work, vehicle maintenance, etc. I work from the time I get up to the moment we go to bed.
I love my wife very much and want this time for her to be as easy as possible because I know she’s having it tough. She knows that I’ve been busting my a*s lately, but anyone on the outside think men do nothing during this time. Conversations with other people usually go in the way of berating me (Or men in the relationship) by insinuating that I need to step it up more, I’m not doing enough, and if I dare bring up the fact that I’m overwhelmed I’m seen as weak and unfit to be her husband.
I get it though, there are some really s****y guys out there and they’re taking their frustration out on me, but for those of us who are actually putting forth an effort, it’s demoralizing. This type of behavior is why a lot of men simply say nothing because we’d rather not say anything for 15 minutes than deal with hours of drama.
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#20not peeing standing up. sitting is so much more comfortable
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#21Parenting kids, Working in primary education and being babysitters. People just automatically assume that when a man is doing these things that he’s a pedophile and not to be trusted. But women are never suspect? It doesn’t make sense. If you are concerned with protecting your kids from unsavory individuals, do a background check.
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#22Being happy. Idc if we're wearing PPE and everyone on this jobsite is a depressed alcoholic, I'm gonna whistle once in a while and wear my SpongeBob socks.
#23Stoicism. I get it's the modern era and people wanna be open about their feelings and be free to cry. But it cuts both ways. If a man wants to keep their emotions private and in check, he shouldn't be judged as being regressive or cold.
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#24Having trust issues with women. We are suppose to accept women have trust issues with men, but guys are taken less seriously even when they have solid reasons.
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#25Having a tea party with their daughter.
#26Basing attraction to women on looks and physique. Women do the same thing with men.
#27“Patriarchy” or being a sucessfull white man even though I was born in poverty..
It’s not my fault the world was how it was before I was born.. I don’t belittle women or think they are lesser..
#28Taking the sudden wide step to free our balls from sticking to our thigh
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#29Not being interested in sex with a specific woman at a specific moment.
I read a comment that said, "women are all about 'me too' and LGBT rights, until they get rejected. And then they're all 'I bet he gay'".
I was like, yup. Shocking how easily this kind of hypocrisy rears itself.
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#30Getting a sports car or new clothes or s**t. I couldn't afford the cars I wanted when I was younger. It's not some phase or a mid-life crisis. Stop labeling men as immature for enjoying things they couldn't when they were younger. Maturity is not defined by one's hobbies or interests. And I just like the car.
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#31Masturbation. Including with toys. Women have an entire social media presence around sex toys. They invented the Anne Summers party. But men aren't allowed such guilty pleasures? I think that needs to change. I think treating self in love as a separate and healthy activity for men would benefit the sex lives of everybody. There's this assumption among men that masturbation is a substitute for sex, and I don't think that has to be the case.
#32When a good man gets up to go to work everyday and takes pride in his job no matter what it is. And hopefully finds happiness in what he is doing!
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#34I used to love taking long walks by myself at night when I was in high school. Nowadays I’m worried someone is gonna think I’m being creepy. Also where I live now is way less safer than where I grew up so it’s not as smart for me to do so. And it’s less picturesque
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#36Being lonely and depressed.
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#37'Manspreading' my reproductive organs are on the outside, it's not comfy squishing them.
#38Complimenting women. I was walking past this lady with brilliant bright pink hair and said "I love your hair". She looked at me like I was insane... :(
#39For not wanting kids but wanting sex. For men, consent to sex is consent to be a parent. For women it isn't. Men should be able to opt out of being made parents against their will. They can even be raped and be on the hook for child support.
But we judge them for not wanting to pay for or support kids they didn't want. Pro choice people all of a sudden become pro life when it comes to men but would never tell a woman that she consented to motherhood when she had sex. They want women to have the choice to abort but for men "it takes two to tango".
We call them deadbeat dads but they could be kids themselves making a stupid mistake at 18 and they don't get a choice beyond sex. At least women have safe haven laws and abortions. If she lies about being on birth control or fishes a condom out the trash he is done for.
#40Fiddling while sitting down to fix that stupid boner-looking bulge that's caused by wearing hoodies with a zipper.
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#41Loving somebody with their whole being. If that makes me a simp for the one that has all my attention then so what.
#42Offering logical solutions to drama-inducing situations
#43Having a purse.
Man, I just want a f*****g purse.
#44I’m a woman but Id like to share based on what I’ve seen other women judge men on that they genuinely should not be. There’s more but these are the most immediate thoughts.
-liking to spend time with their SO. It’s amazing how many women think it’s weird their man actually wants to spend a lot of time with them
-wanting to/hanging with the boys
-liking/playing video games
-liking/playing with toys
-taking care of themselves (grooming, self care)
-not being handymen
-crying, being vulnerable
-seeking or needing help with mental health issues
-not wanting kids
-not being financially stable or secure or just generally not having their career life together by a certain age
-still living with parents in late 20’s+
#45Being vulnerable. There's a lot of women who get mad that men don't express their feelings and never talk about anything and hold things in and don't communicate what they think and feel, but then when they do, those same women talk about how weak and feminine he is and call him gay and just put him down. And when men do talk about how they feel or the topic of men's mental health comes up they say good, or no one cares, or they laugh or say that they don't care or that men don't deserve anything
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#46Being emotional, crying. Men get hurt too. Crying is actually a great stress release.
#47Going to the gym as a beginner
#48Funny that I would say this because I'm gay, but...being sexually attracted to women! There's nothing gross about that as long as it doesn't involve harassment and one remembers that everyone is a person, not an object.
#49Wearing makeup, working at certain places, the clothing that they wear, showing expression, being depressed or suicidal, having long hair, being nice to kids, and a lot more. I am not a man but its the truth. If a Man is wearing makeup or a dress people just freak out, not everybody but some. If a man says that hes depressed, some will help and comfort that man, but some will make fun and say he just wants attention. He's being nice to a kid and offering some ice cream, some people will make sure that hes not trying to take the kid and once the free ice cream was given they will smile and say thank you. Others will grab the kid and yell at the man. The same can go for women but the fact that over half of men on Reddit could probably say they know how this feels just shows that society is dumb.
#50Not being jacked af or being short or having a eating disorder most of these things need help and cant be controlled
#51Been ourselves, if you see us laughing about some nonsence s**t, don't judge us, we like to random things sometimes and talking about things that doesn't add anything to our lives.
#53Not liking dogs. It’s not a reflection on who we are as a person.
#54This might be a bit offside compared to some of the more emotional-related stuff here, but I found the whole controversy over so-called "manspreading" to be a bit manufactured and more like man-shaming.
Sorry, while people should make an effort not to crowd those around them, being stuff in a tiny box packed full of people after having to run to catch your departure in slacks... things can get seriously uncomfortable down below.
Jock itch also doesn't just affect athletes. Constant sweat, heat, and chaffing can wear down the outer layer of skin and result in rashes or bacterial infection etc which makes things worse.
For women: think of the discomfort of a yeast infection or sunburn and you might be in the ballpark (no pun intended). I've also heard many women complain is similar issues with stuff getting hot and sticking together down below.
It's not about claiming space or dominating, it's about trying to get a little bit of relief in an uncomfortable situation.