Another Chance, Probably Wasted, to Save the World

Driving to work today we were behind a car that had personalized plates, with a purchased plate holder, and a bumper sticker. So, in a couple of miles, driving about 70 miles an hour we learned that the woman driving the car was a fan (or graduate) of the local university, who liked to have fun, and was striving to be exceptional, and drove a Honda. It was as though we were old friends.

We felt so connected to the woman in the Honda we started calling her Janet. Everybody was excited to get the chance to follow such a dynamic, fun-loving sports fan as Janet to work. It would be a great way to start every day.

But, Bill, from accounting asked, “What if she just bought that stuff, what if it wasn’t true?”

It was an epiphany, there was no truth in advertising for the back of a car. For all we knew the woman in the Honda was a slothful, blissfully sub-average, party killing, wet blanket who despised the local university. It might have been a sham, we felt betrayed.

But it led to a conversation in the morning new product meeting. What if we had to advertise our true character and emotional states on the backs of our cars. Wouldn’t the world be a much saner, safer place if you knew what the other people were really feeling?

With that in mind we would like to introduce;

THE LIFE EXPLAINED HONEST END OF CAR STICKER SYSTEM.

Every day is different, every day you are different, one adhesive, vinyl sheet espousing some emotional cliche cannot possibly convey the evolution, and changing condition of a person as diverse and wonderful as you, trust us.

Using a hook and loop fastener this system will allow the application of almost any state of being you can imagine. We are constantly adding new sentiments to the catalog, there is something for everyone, every day. In a few seconds you are on your way to work, and the world will understand you a little better. Not a bad way to start the day, is it?

Why settle for canned, pat, trite generalizations when you can cover the range of potential possibilities. Humanity is diverse, wonderful, and slightly (or completely) psychotic. A car should reflect that.

Act now, and check out our complete line of “Emotional Response Stimuli Conductors” to let the world know how you are feeling, every damn day. It is your right, it is your privilege, it is your duty. And your friends, coworkers, and fellow commuters will thank you.

We are getting ready to introduce our Mass Transit Line soon so all of you bus, and train riders start hounding city officials to loosen up the purse strings, and shell out the small pile of cash to install the Early Warning Mood System. It will make it so much easier to choose the correct subway car, or bus.

Just a guy trying to get by.

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This post was previously published on Life Explained and is republished here with permission from the author.
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