66 People Who Realized They’re Dating An Idiot And Just Had To Share Online
One of the most important aspects of any romantic relationship is to be on the same page with your partner. In terms of your lifestyle. What kind of family you want to build together. Financially. Spiritually. And… intellectually. Many people think that what’s most important is someone’s heart (and we think it is!), but the lack of education and common sense can in some cases put a premature stop to any blossoming feelings of love. Not all the time, but it does happen.
Redditor u/Known-Pop-8355 sparked a lively and utterly hilarious discussion on r/AskReddit after asking people to share their “I’m dating an idiot” moments. We’ve collected some of the funniest stories to share with you, dear Pandas. Scroll down, enjoy, and make sure you’re not eating or drinking anything because you’ll be laughing and facepalming a ton!
Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the viral thread, u/Known-Pop-8355, who explained the inspiration behind the question and shared their thoughts on compatibility, as well as relationship red flags.
We also reached out to Steven Wooding, the co-creator of the Drake Equation for Love Calculator for his thoughts on educational gaps in relationships (spoiler alert: they don’t have to be deal-breakers!). Read on for both of our interviews.
#1Had a girlfriend that tend to throw fits for everything.
One day she spotted me on a restaurant's terrace on my campus having lunch with a lady. She came storming in like a fireball, started to scream at me, started to insult that poor lady she said was old enough to be my mother (come on, you understand already how could she not) and all.
When she finished I just said "So mom, this is X, my ex girlfriend"
My mom still brags about the fact that my ex believed she could pull a guy my age. At least she took it the right way lol
Image credits: Ren1145
In redditor u/Known-Pop-8355’s opinion, compatibility in terms of education and intelligence is important in determining whether or not a relationship will survive. “I cannot fathom the number of times I have been on a date or in a conversation in my messages on dating apps where the other person is as the saying goes, ‘Not the sharpest tool in the shed’ and have been completely turned off due to the lack of stimulation my level of intelligence needed from them,” they told Bored Panda.
According to u/Known-Pop-8355, it’s nonetheless possible to have a happy and flourishing relationship despite large educational gaps. “The key here would be to have open and effective communication with a vast amount of patience and them having the yearning to learn and absorb correct, factual, proven knowledge from those around themselves and their environment.”
The author of the thread explained to Bored Panda that reading is absolutely fundamental to education. They believe that it’s essential for everyone to encourage the “intelligently less fortunate” to “pick up a goddamn book” in order to “exercise their brain.”
#2I dated a girl in high school and we were bored, hanging out at lunchtime, and we were looking at each other's wallets and making fun of our ID card photos, etc. I found a card in her wallet that said, "This person should not be given a blood transfusion," and I was like, "Oh no, please tell me you believe in dinosaurs," and she said, "their bones were put here by God to test us," and I was like, "oh no."
#3I had to work overtime so I asked her to go to my house to check on my dog and the litter of puppies. I said they're in the front bedroom in the baby pool. I said to check on the runt and help it attach to the nipple. Her response was, "that's so crazy that they can eat underwater".... I was dumbfounded.
We were curious to hear the redditor’s thoughts on some relationship red flags. First of all, they noted that you should pay a lot of attention to someone’s body language. “If their body isn't exactly facing towards you when interacting, they’re most likely not interested, have become bored of you, or want nothing to do with you,” they said.
Another major red flag for them is having someone micromanage your money. Unfortunately, that’s something that u/Known-Pop-8355 had to deal with before. “It was a form of financial and psychological control they had over me. It was a toxic relationship, sadly, but there was a lot more to it than just money. I had to show statements, receipts, how much I spent, where I spent it, WHY I spent it, and play twenty-one questions over it,” they revealed to Bored Panda that their former partner would gaslight them by claiming they had a “spending problem” and weren’t being responsible with the money they earned themselves.
“My bills were paid on time and I bought groceries and provided where I needed, too,” the OP said that they also helped their family and friends out financially when they could afford to. They also had a little money left over to put into their savings account. However, their partner thought it was “selfish” whenever the redditor spent money on other things than them.
#4I mentioned that I might be interested in learning to speak Italian. He kind of scoffed and said, "Why would you need to learn Italian? That's EASY!" Very confused, I said, "What?? Why do you think it's so easy??" He said, "Italian is just American with an accent!" (Yes, he called it "American", not English.) Took me a few beats and then I realized - he thought an Italian ACCENT was the actual language! Like, he thought "I'm-a gonna eat-a the spaghetti and-a meat-a-balls" was actual Italian. I could barely get the words out to explain to him how wrong he was because I was literally on the floor helpless, clutching my stomach laughing - I could not stop for at least a full 10 minutes. He was so mad at me for laughing at him but Jesus Christ, how could I not?? Later that day I snuck his phone and changed his ringtone to that Family Guy bit where Peter is talking jibberish to the Italian guy, thinking he's speaking Italian - "Babada boopie? Beebada boobada babada!" He did not appreciate that, either lol
Image credits: xQueenAryaStark
#5How alcohol content percentage works.
We argued for months that 10% as alcohol content remains the same even if you halved the bottle.
She said nope, if you halved the bottle then the alcohol content would be 5%.
Engineer graduate that too.
She works for a software firm.
For 12 years.
Image credits: baboyadobo
#6My ex thought he could play hockey and found what he thought were the holy grail of skates. He bought them for $200 (I don't know the price as it was a long time ago). His friend, who lived in a city an hour and 20 minutes away, told him he got the same skates for $195. So my ex, in his old Camaro that cost $50 in gas round trip, returned the skates he got for $200 and drove 1 hour and 20 minutes to get the skates that were $5 cheaper. That should have been the biggest red flag. But sadly, it turned out I was the f*****g idiot who stayed with him for a few more years..
Image credits: Flipgirlnarie
“They just wanted to commandeer my money. But after a year of that, you can officially say ‘dumped!’ Now I’ll admit I was the idiot in that span of time for even putting up with that toxicity for that long.”
A final major relationship red flag for the redditor is bottling up your thoughts and feelings. “This is what killed my ten-year-long relationship with my ex-fiancé. I bottled everything up and I just could not for the life of me open up to them. I had a very hard time doing so with them. Bottling everything up is really damaging to the relationship emotionally and yourself mentally,” u/Known-Pop-8355 said.
“I remember the nights when I had opened up and the bottle poured out like Niagara Falls. I had no control and it was an explosive episode that just turned into a psychotic breakdown. Like, a total nuclear meltdown. I met a new person in my life three years after splitting from my ex who is now married to my younger brother… Yeah, I know. I heard all the jokes already, ‘Keeping it in the family.’ But I’m legitimately happy with my new partner and really want to open up to them about everything. I can’t wait till we’re married!” they said, wishing everyone luck in finding luck. “Pray that they’re smart and intelligent!”
#7She would always ignore the idiot lights in her cars, until they broke down. We bought a car that actually tells you when to bring it in for service. She came up to me, really frustrated, complaining about the car being noisy. She said "There's this big flashing message that says "BRING AUTO IN FOR SERVICE" and I can't get it to turn off. What should I do?" This person has a PhD too.
Image credits: scrubjays
#8Dating this gal and we go out on a double date, she's kind of Goofy, but more lacking common sense vs like dumb as a box of rocks.....until that night.
So double date is BBQ, we all order she gets ribs, so we are eating she says what part of the cow is this from? We chuckle, she stares at us all (her sister included), and says "Did you not hear me? What part of the cow does this come from?" We, in unison say, ribs! She responded *"I KNOW THE NAME FROM THE MENU, BUT WHAT PART OF THE COW IS IT??"*
I was done.
Image credits: scorpiogre
#9Kept telling me not to fall for online scams.
She fell for a scam that was so clearly a scam even a brain-dead monkey could see it was a scam.
She lost 15k and tried to sue everyone who told her it was a scam.
She also thought that when the chefs light the food on fire they add gasoline. She tried to do just that.
Image credits: illogicalfuturity
Meanwhile, Bored Panda reached out to Steven, the co-founder of the Drake Equation for Love Calculator and a member of the Omni Calculator team. We wanted to get his thoughts on the importance of educational and intellectual compatibility in romance. We were curious whether a large educational gap was necessarily a sign that things wouldn’t work out.
“I don't think a large education gap should be a deal breaker in a romantic relationship if one is willing to teach the other and the other is eager to learn,” he shared his thoughts.
“It could be quite a good bonding experience to help someone improve themselves and be improved by someone.” Though, in these cases, balance is important.
“However, it would be important to balance the relationship so it's not one person doing all the teaching. Find another subject area that the other one doesn't know much about.”
#10My ex didnt think it rained over the ocean because there was enough water there already.
She was shocked it rained when we were on a cruise.
Image credits: 1_disasta
#11I introduced him to my stepsister. He said, "weird, you guys look nothing alike."
Image credits: Saminotsammy
#12I went on a couple dates with a woman who owned two large energetic dogs. When she bought them she was informed that she'd need to walk them every day to get them exercise and burn off energy. To save time, instead of walking them she'd take them for a drive and thought that accomplished the same thing.
Image credits: diiejso
The author of the thread, u/Known-Pop-8355, also opened up to Bored Panda that they never would have thought their question would go viral. “I was completely flabbergasted when I awoke to my phone with over twelve thousand upvotes and comments of people sharing their ‘idiot’ moments. I have read quite a few and some of them were definitely and shockingly next level idiotic and asinine! So idiotic that it hurt in a mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, dramatic, and traumatized way! Lord, help these people!” the redditor said that it felt great to get so much attention online.
We were very curious to hear about the inspiration behind the question itself. The OP told us that they were trying to come up with a topic that others would relate to. That’s when their dad came into the room and inadvertently laid the groundwork for the r/AskReddit thread.
#13We drove past a windmill on a windy day. She commented how it was too windy out and they should turn the windmill down. She was dead serious...
Image credits: ink4n3
#14I had to explain to a grown woman that 20% is not always $20 when converted to currency.
Image credits: DahvRom
#15He put a load of laundry in with mixed colour and whites... poured in bleach to whiten the whites... was shocked that the bleach bleached everything in the load.... I had to explain that the bleach will bleach everything you put in it as the bleach cannot discern what you want bleached or not... he was shocked, truly stunned and flabbergasted
Image credits: hughjonk
“My father, who is recently divorced from my mother, walks into the room and is ranting on about her as usual and screams, ‘I can’t believe your mother at times! She’s so goddamn stupid!’ I, being a Smart Alec mouthed off to him in a sarcastic tone, ‘You married it!’ referring to her intelligence.”
Their father retorted: “Yeah, I know I did! And had I known your mother was so stupid back then, I probably wouldn’t have married her! Especially after the time when I first saw she was an idiot!” That was the seed for the OP’s question on Reddit.
#16She didn’t know how to get to my house from anywhere but her house. Her work was about halfway between my house and hers, but she had to drive home first every time before she could drive to my house.
*this was pre-smart phones
Image credits: CampoPequeno
#17It was when vampire-related shows and movies were in the height of their popularity. He became obsessed with vampires. When we would go outside, he started to act like the sun was hurting him, and he would shield his face with his hands while groaning in pain. Think of Jim from The Office with his vampire prank... only he was more dramatic... and serious
Image credits: not-a-real_username
#18He told me he had a lot of "inventions" and how rich he will be when one sells. I asked him to tell me more. He says his best "invention" is eye drops that (with just one application mind you) eliminate the need for eyeglasses. The guy is a mailman. Not a doctor. Not a scientist. And he wears glasses. So I said "if these eye drops work why do you wear glasses?" The eye drops don't exist yet. But when someone else actually formulates these fantasy eye drops my mailman friend thinks he will get the money because he "invented" them by dreaming them up. EDIT: I dated him very briefly years ago. He didn't have any patents. Just misguided dreams. Nice guy. Just....well a special kind of small former coal mining town kind of idiot.
Image credits: butitsnotfish
It’s essential that there’s proper communication between both people in a relationship. It’s vital that you love, care, and respect one another. And that you’re willing to make sacrifices and look for compromises.
And, broadly speaking, the more you have in common with your partner, the more you’ll get along and the happier, healthier, and long-lasting your relationship should be. Romantic feelings can blossom between any two people, of course. But shared backgrounds, education, experiences, and interests can turn passion into something that stands the test of decades.
Something that’s incredibly important for couples everywhere is that your partner loves you the way that you are while also motivating and inspiring you to be a better version of yourself. If you find that your partner brings out the best in you, then it’s likely you’re on the right road.
#19When he left the window open in the middle of summer because the air conditioning made the house too cold. He didn’t turn off the air conditioner and argued that it wouldn’t have made a difference.
Edit: I want to clarify that he argued having the window open wouldn’t make a difference as to how much the AC ran. I got home and the house was warm and very humid. The AC had been running constantly.
Image credits: Lovable_Minion
#20We went to a science museum and saw a display of a carboniferous swamp and I casually remarked that the land would have been different back then due to plate tectonics. She had never heard that the continents moved so I explained how it worked with plates moving, earthquakes, and volcanoes. She still didn't believe me. So I found the plate tectonics museum display that explained it all. And then she said she was amazed that I had enough pull with the museum to have them set up a display to support my lies.
Image credits: inkseep1
#21He was trying to make cookies and kept opening the oven for extended periods of time, letting out all the heat. When I told him he was letting all the heat out by opening the door wide open and staring at the cookies, he told me I didn't know how ovens work because the temp setter said 400 so it was 400. Took an hour to bake 1 sheet of cookies and said "I don't know why it's taking so long."
Also insisted on doing this on Thanksgiving, tying up my oven and was pissed off when he found out the turkey would take 3hrs to cook. As I'm sure you can imagine... Did not work out.
Image credits: pocket4129
On the flip side, if you feel that you’re constantly being criticized for being the way you are, you might want to think about whether this is something long-term or not.
Do you constantly feel awful about your finances, status, education, and hobbies around your significant other? Are you consistently demotivated and a worse version of yourself when you’re around them?
You might need to have a few honest conversations with your partner about how they’re treating you and how you deserve the same respect that you give them. After all, if you’re constantly miserable and second-guessing yourself, are you really with the right person?
#22Was just lounging about one Sunday and skiing came on the TV. at one point the commentator said that contestants reached 100 km/h at that point in the race. The ex literally shouted b******t at the telly. I looked at her and asked why..she replied that there was no way that they could tell how far they'd go in an hour since the race was only two minutes long.
Another time, "I have an aunt who lives in London, is that near England"
Image credits: Allydarvel
#23My brother in law was born on June 14. Way back when he was single, he was something of a stud. So one birthday he goes out to a club and a pretty woman starts chatting with him. Casually he mentions “It’s Flag Day - my birthday.” She looked at him with wide eyes “Your birthday is Flag Day?! Wow!” On the spur of the moment, he says “Well, I really like Flag Day. So I had my birthday legally changed. Went in front of a judge and everything.” She bought it, hook, line and sinker. Later, when they we’re heading back to her place, he realized he had a bottle cap in his pocket. So he did the “something behind your ear” trick on her that you do with little kids. “Oh my God! How long has that been in my hair! I’m sooo embarrassed!” He realized then and there that he couldn’t in good conscience go home with her. He gave her a peck on the cheek and wished her a good night.
#24Phoned him up the day he moved into his first student flat (in the next country over - we were doing long distance). He said "I'm fine, just desperate for a cup of tea and can't have one til tomorrow."
"Why not?" I asked him, knowing very well he had pans.
"There's no kettle here. We'll have to go buy one."
"If you're that desperate, just boil water on the stove."
"Oh! Yeah! Um... how do I do that?"
And I then had to talk a technically adult man through the process of boiling water.
Edit just cuz: I did marry that idiot, but only after I taught him to cook.
Being able to have long and open conversations into the wee hours of the morning is one of the best parts of any new relationship. You start learning about each other’s dreams, hopes, ambitions, and values. And if you find that the other person is fun to be around, is honest, considerate, and has integrity, you’re setting yourself up for success.
However, there might be some topics that you’ll never be able to fully get into with your other half. That might not necessarily mean the end of your relationship, however. You can always have those deep chats about physics, astronomy, or the financial situation of the global economy with your friends or coworkers. Though, at the same time, everyone has their personal limits, too. Whether you think believing that it doesn’t rain over the ocean is a deal-breaker or not is up to you!
#25I came home from running errands one evening to him running out of our fenced backyard to grab the hose with a look of panic on his face. He yelled for me to grab the fire extinguisher.
He's pretty calm and collected so to see him riled up means s**t's going down.
So I grab the fire extinguisher out of the garage and run out in the backyard where there is a huge fire burning in a pile of leaves up against the fence.
We manage to rake it away from the fence and hose it down enough that it was under control. Finally got the chance to ask him why the f**k the fence was on fire.
He tells me that he was making some rockets and wanted to test one so he put it in a vise and it took off.
God dammit, you know how to make f*****g rocket fuel out of raw ingredients but you can't f*****g figure out a test jig and f**k near burn down our house.
8 god damn years we've been married. It hasn't gotten better.
#26Turned down multiple pay rises, promotions because it would put her in the next tax bracket. She, and backed up by to her idiot parents believed she would be earning a lot less due to the higher tax over the whole amount. I tried to explain but she was very determined to be an idiot forever. Even going as far as saying she wouldn't get any help from welfare if she kept earning.. Trash for life.
#27He thought the outlet plug covers (for childproofing) meant the outlet was out-of-order. He literally had nothing plugged into the walls of his entire living room. He also mentioned how smart he was any chance he got.... usually a prime indicator.
#28I watched her wrap a potato in aluminum foil and toss it into our microwave. I spoke up and said you can't do that, because of ,ya know, microwaves. (She was 25) looks me right in the eye and says "my mom does this all the time, she taught me"
As nicely as I could I explained how she must be mistaken. She digs in, five minutes of passionate arguing result in me saying "try it"
She forced herself not to react to the volley of sparks and zapping sounds for the first few seconds, just in case it stopped.
Looked me in the eye and said "well it always worked before"
#29"someday a robot will replace you at your job, you need to get a degree and do better"... I am an engineer who installs and maintains machines with 2-4 robots in each one.
Surprise!!! We are no longer together.
#30When my current girlfriend mistook my La Croix's as alcoholic seltzer, downed four of them, and then said "I drank like four of these, and I'm not even buzzed".
#31She was visibly upset (tears and quiet sobs) while we were watching District 9... She turns to me and whispers 'when did this happen?' .........as in the mistreatment of space aliens actually happened..
#32We were having dinner when I mentioned I couldn't eat cheese because I'm lactose intolerant. He asked how I could eat eggs. I told him that lactose was found in dairy, which comes from cows. He vehemently rejected my explanation that eggs did not come from cows and were not dairy, and wouldn't believe me until he googled it for himself.
#33The moment she attempted to call a "dog” into her car to get it out of the rain. Dog = fox with rabies
#34My ex once went to a halal butcher and asked for bacon.
Just in case you don't know, pork is non-halal.
The same ex was offered beef bacon by the butcher, then to be healthier tried to fry it in water. What she ended up serving me was greyish parboiled beef bacon with the texture and toughness of warm spandex.
Bless her innocent heart.
#35Had been casually dating a girl for a few weeks. I was on my way to the mall one day when she called me. She said she would meet me there to hang out. Told her to park on the North side of the mall and meet me at the entrance. Took her forever to show up. She said she got confused when I told her to meet me on the North side of the mall. After a few questions I found out that she thought North was just whatever way she was facing. If she was watching the sunrise she thought the sun rose in the North because that’s the way she was facing.
#36When he told me that god put different races on different continents to avoid mixed race breeding and that the cause of all physical and mental disease is mixed race relationships. We wouldn’t have diseases if everyone stayed on their own continents. I swear I didn’t know he was a racists piece of s**t before that lol
#37I had just gotten back from the OB GYN and was talking about how they didn't use metal speculums anymore and had plastic. Still uncomfortable but not as bad... Anyway, he was convinced that the plastic speculums must have felt good and made me orgasm ?♀️?♀️?♀️
Another time, we were driving through the historical part of the city we lived in and I commented about how beautiful an old house was. He told me that all we have to do was tell the owners that we are hard working people and they will just give us the house.
Another time he "didn't drive home drunk" because he parked his truck down the street.
I filed for divorce after four years of his stupidity.
#38He complained that his boss was questioning how he addressed emails to him. So I asked, how are you addressing those email. He gave this example: Ha Mike. I said you’re saying Ha instead of Hi? He said yes because Ha was an abbreviation for Hey. Yup, that was the moment.
#39I dated a really manipulative and horrible person for a bit who would hide behind his weird interpretation of the Bible, "I can do anything I want as long as I ask for forgiveness after. I can't go to hell no matter what I do because I'm "saved."
So one time, we were having a conversation about how he let's his friends bully me so I didn't wanna hang out with them anymore. The kind of healthy talk in relationships where you're just trying to feel understood. I mention to him that if I ever saw people mistreating him I would come to his defense because I cared about him. He says, "But I'm not you. Just because you pee sitting down doesn't mean I have to pee sitting down." In that moment I realized what I was getting myself into and broke it off immediately. Also, I had seen him pee sitting down. Just wanted to add that.
#40It was 1999 and I was a Marine.
Her “what is war like?” “ how many wars have you fought in?” “When you jumped out of a plane in enemy territory didn’t you think you might get show down?”
She asked these questions for months. I would ask what war is going on or what war could I have been fighting in. She was always super confused and would laugh and say I will open up eventually.
She told me she told her Mom when I got out I was going to make tons of money as a parachute repair man. To this day I have no idea what she was talking about. I told her tons of times I never jumped and it was rare for marines to be airborne.
#41"Do you think getting drunk so often while I was pregnant was bad for him?"
She said this about her son who was five years old and had yet to speak a single word yet. She was not the primary caregiver.
#42I was the f*****g idiot. I thought a French press worked by putting the coffee on top of the plunger, lowering it in, and then pulling it out.
My girlfriend really wrestled with whether she could keep dating me after that one.
#43When I mentioned I was on my period, he asked what my favorite flavor of tampons are. He genuinely thought the colors on the tampon packs were flavors, and that it would soak into my blood while inside and I’d eventually taste it.
I’m desperate to know the source of this information.
#44He kept applying for jobs and getting denied instantly. At the time, I didn’t understand and was upset for him. Come to find out, this 26 year old was applying for jobs driving armored trucks for banks. With a record for stealing money from cash registers. I didn’t know at the time that he had ever been arrested, but this man literally had robbery and theft on his record, and couldn’t understand why an armored truck company wouldn’t hire him.
#45I had an ex that became a nurse, she didn't believe in gravity. I thought she was joking... But she was not.
"I think that everything has weight but I don't believe in gravity"
#46We were driving down the road, and she looks out the window to see a field full of cows.
She then asks, “Do they call it pasteurized milk because the cows were raised in a pasture?”
I married her.
#47he didn’t know where the ankle was. I hurt my ankle when he dropped me (on accident), and he went to look at it and said it looked fine as he was touching my calf. I was like well yeah cause that’s not my ankle. silence. then arguing about how it was my ankle and me telling him it was my leg not my ankle and having to explain what an ankle was.
#48She found a coin in the couch and exclaimed
"WOW this is a REALLY big nickel"
to which I responded
"That's because its a quarter"
#49Flew across the country to visit family. We took his brothers dog for a walk and all the family members said “don’t let the dog off the leash.” Towards the end of our walk, he says “I’m gonna let the dog off” and I begged him not to. Eventually I said, “if you let the dog off the leash and it goes badly, I will break up with you”
It went badly. I did break up with him.
#50She was late 30s and thought all bluebirds were boys and all robins are girls. “Because that’s how it always is in cartoons!”
#51Four hours into our first date, as I am luring him into my apartment with indecent intentions, he asked me if maybe I’d want to go on a date with him sometime. Married that f*****g idiot, going ten years strong.
ETA: glad you all enjoyed! He got me back a few weeks later, he called me his girlfriend to someone and I was shocked, even though he’d been staying at my apartment every night and had a key to play with the cat when he got off work before me.
#52Me and this girl I was dating **many** years ago were watching a found footage movie on netflix. It was clearly edited, every shot used "the rule of thirds," to an almost painful extent in every selfie shot, and there were a million moments where someone was running for their lives, but kept the camera perfectly focused on themselves.
Half way through she told me she loves this movies because "it's all real footage." I thought she was f*****g joking until I realized she wasn't. It took a solid half an hour of going through IMDB and wikipedia pages before she finally understood how movies worked. We ended up breaking up soon after for a completely unrelated reason involving talking animals, so that relationship was just not meant to last.
EDIT: Here's the full story about the animal thing and a quick explanation of why I left it out (if it wasn't already obvious by the length lol).
#53When she asked, "How long does it take for a boy to grow a new testicle after intercourse?"
#54My partner isn’t a f*****g idiot, but she is impulsive and sometimes… that’s basically the same thing. It’s gotten to the point where we joke about her “Skittles moments”, so named because of the time she accidentally dropped a Skittle and didn’t realize it until it melted into her fitted bedsheet.
Without thinking and before I could stop her, she calmly grabbed a pair of scissors and cut out the offending part of the sheet. She was completely calm about it until she picked up the cut sheet piece and what she did fully sunk in. She was very sad, that was a favorite set.
Similar dubious decision making happens only every few months, but it is hilarious (and exasperating) every time
#55"I don't want to go to St Louis it's a dirty city in dirty Detroit "
A commercial for the film The Martian came on the TV. "Is that a true story? Like did he really do that?"
#56Japanese ex I caught sleeping around at the height of the AIDs crisis told me not to worry, Japanese people can't catch it.
ETA - WOW! Didn't know this would take off like this. Backstory makes it even more absurd, she was a graduate of a prestigious university in Tokyo and earned a Masters in the US and had lived here for a while. I had about burned out on the relationship but this put me out the door.
#57When he mistook a red bell pepper for a tomato. Not from a distance, like chose it out of the fridge and asked, this Tomato? Like wtf? (And I never put my tomatoes in the fridge either.) My sister still brings it up 13 years later and I haven’t been with him in 12 years. ?
#58Dated a guy with hemmrroids who swore that every time they bled he was just having his period.
#59I had to explain to an ex that putting in a tampon was not, in fact, “awesome” (his descriptor)
#60Not a bad way, but a "she's my idiot" way: Friend says, "do either of you remember the name of the rat from Ninja Turtles?" My girlfriend says, "ratatouille?"
Been dating her for a long time.
#61Oh man, my “high school sweetheart” whom I was with for four years. There are many instances of him being awful, but for time’s sake, I’ll pick one. When we would go to restaurants, he would do this thing before we left, where he would order a water, only to put a napkin over it, flip it over and leave it upside-down on the table, so that the bus boy or whoever cleared the table would then get water all over the place. He thought it was huh-lar-I-ous and I thought it was effing obnoxious.
Anyway, years later, I had just had my second child and was out with my SIL and her friends for an overnight at the beach where my ex’s family has a summer cottage. We walk in and there was my ex, working there. We were sat at one of his tables and after he brought our food, he grabbed a chair and sat down next to me to chat. It was fine until I mentioned my newborn son. All of a sudden he starts being snarky and saying rude things like, “I’m surprised you didn’t give him a stupid celebrity baby name” and then, “I’m glad I didn’t have kids with you because I want my kids to have *blue eyes*”.
Well, funny enough, I offered to pay the tip. First, I asked my ex for a new water. Then I dumped out all the loose change in my purse and all the ones I had and dumped them in my water. Then I put a napkin on top.
You know the rest. ?
#62It was the most obvious one... they can NEVER lose an argument. No matter what facts are presented, no matter how insignificant them being wrong would be, they will not give up on being right. I could offer them irrefutable proof on something, and they would ignore it. Let me just give you a hypothetical example of how far it can often go.
Them "cows are so skinny"
Me "you mean fat?"
Them "that's what I said"
Me "no, you said skinny"
Then "I know what I said"
Random person in back seat "you said skinny..."
Them "oh, so both of you heard me wrong. Yall need your ears checked. Yall seriously don't know what you're talking about ever. "
Me "here's the dash cam footage, let's just listen to it"
*video of them literally saying cows are so skinny*
Them "see, I told you I accidently said skinny"
Me and 3rd person "WHAT?"
Me "you've literally just been arguing the opposite this entire time!"
Them "no I haven't?"
We go through checking the footage and proving them wrong again and they eventually give up the cycle by changing the argument to me being an a*****e. That's how it ends with the simplest and most complicated of things. It's a really clear defense mechanism of an idiot.
#63Hilariously, she was very brilliant (Masters degree) but had some pretty silly moments, most noteworthy:
She received new registration for her car. Tags are taped to the registration. Rather than remove the adhesive back from the sticker, she used the piece of tape to attach it to her license plate. It fell off after a drive, and I will never forget the look on her face when I explained to her that her tags were a sticker. She had been driving for 15 years at this point.
#64She didn’t know the difference between a country and a continent
#65When I said “I’m 1/4 Portuguese” and he said “Sorry patronaa12, I don’t date Black girls”
EDIT: Wow I was not expecting this comment to take off the way it has. FYI, this was when I was 15 and dating my high school boyfriend. Today, he is engaged to an actual Black woman ?